Words With Lea Morgan

Words

AUTHOR: LEA MORGAN | VISIT WEBSITE

Some years ago, I started to develop awareness around language. I noticed my habitual use of certain phrases and words. As each one would come to my attention, I realized I didn’t agree with most of the phrases I was often using and that many of my word choices didn’t describe what I actually meant or desired.

How many times had I said “For arguments sake”? I didn’t want to argue. Or, “Kill two birds with one stone”? I certainly didn’t want to kill any birds. “I’ll go down swinging.” Does that ensure than I’m going down? What if instead, I said, “I’ll keep trying”?

If everything has energy, what was the energy of my language creating in my life?

One of the first and longest lasting studies on this has been around the word ‘should.’ It’s so often used and suddenly felt very out of tune for me. So, I looked it up.

Should
auxiliary verb

1. simple past tense of shall.
2. (used to express condition): Were he to arrive, I should be pleased.
3. must; ought (used to indicate duty, propriety, or expediency): You should not do that.
4. would (used to make a statement less direct or blunt): I should think you would apologize.

Credit: dictionary.com

For the first definition, I just don’t ever use the word shall. The second one seems innocuous enough, but let’s be real, only people in Merchant Ivory films speak like this. The third one is the one that really gets me. Do I even believe in ‘must’? Is there anything that really ‘must’ be done? Sure, some things will produce more desirable results than others, but is ‘must’ merely an illusion? Maybe in a medical emergency something ‘must’ be done for someone to live. But, how often am I using the word ‘should’ in this context? The answer is pretty much never. And the fourth one is just passive-aggressive.

It seemed that when I was saying it to others, I was telling them that my idea was their only option — the only way out — the only way to be. When I said it to myself it was full of judgment. I was going ahead and laying the judgment out on the table, to be picked up if and when I didn’t follow through with said action or way of being. It was a set up for anyone involved. I started to see it as a shaming word. And, I noticed I was using it much more about myself than in giving direction to others.

I decided I just didn’t need it – that there was always a better way to explain what I meant. ‘Could’ started to get a lot more usage in my day-to-day life.
Appreciation that other people aren’t just like me, and asking people what they wanted to do about something, replaced an automated reply of what ‘should’ be done. I was instantly a better listener since I wasn’t focused on a prescription for solution. And, I didn’t feel I was coming up short when my responses to life weren’t dictated to me by my own voice.

It’s so easy to fall into an unconscious pattern of word usage. It’s human behavior to mimic the phrases of those around me in a desire to be understood. I just finally realized that using words because I heard them more wasn’t a good reason for continuing to say them. I’m very conscious with my words now and I’ve seen a difference in my work, my friendships and my relationship with myself.
Sometimes it’s the things so easily overlooked — so ‘normal’ and accepted — that benefit the most from my consciousness and willingness to change.